Why I Am No Longer Vegan
This post shares my honest experience moving away from a vegan diet because it was no longer supporting my health. I share what happened during the 3 1/2 years of eating 100% plant-based and why I no longer support this lifestyle.
I wrote this post half a dozen times and shared drafts with a limited number of trusted friends before ultimately scrapping them all, starting over, and writing from my heart.
You read from the title of this post that I am not vegan anymore.
I know this is a shocking statement, and I apologize for any disappointment, confusion, or anger that it might create.
I became vegan in 2010 and followed a whole foods version of that lifestyle for nearly 3 ½ years. During that time, I resolved health conditions including chronic migraines, allergies, and anxiety. I learned so much about nutrition and the realities of food production and I never, ever thought I would consume animal products again.
Cancer Experience
You probably also know that in 2012, a cancerous tumor grew on my thyroid gland*. It was removed and, as far as I know, I am cured. The physical and psychological ramifications were more difficult to heal, though, and are relevant to this discussion because I believe they put me in a fragile state.
Pretty quickly after my cancer diagnosis, I started viewing foods as either “good” or “bad” and I questioned every bite as to whether or not it would feed cancer cells. Food became the enemy.
Ongoing Symptoms
Fast forward to the end of 2013 and early 2014 and my frustration started to grow over why I wasn’t bouncing back from my experience.
I developed insomnia, amennorhea, hot flashes, brittle nails, depression, and a complete lack of energy, not to mention a recurrence of binge eating and restrictive eating patterns that I had not experienced since adolescence. I was on a very dangerous path.
Read more in my article on how to fight fatigue on a vegan diet.
Changing My Diet
After extensive research and with the advice of several doctors, I started experimenting with different variations of a vegan diet, knowing the power of good nutrition on both the mind and the body.
I added plant-based protein powders and increased my overall intake of beans, nuts, seeds, and soy products, as well as using bright light therapy.
These changes helped, but were not enough, so I started taking a high-quality probiotic and a high-dose, fish-based EPA supplement that also helped, but were not vegan.
Then, most recently, I started consuming animal foods including eggs and meat, mostly fish.
Post Vegan Changes
The result? I’m feeling better. Over the past two months or so, I’ve been sleeping more soundly and my energy levels have stabilized. My very near obsession with food and restriction is virtually gone and my mood is overall much, much better.
I’m not saying that I am in perfect health and I never have a hard day, but overall I feel as if I am healing. I continue to work with a professional therapist and using the book Intuitive Eating as my guide for the emotional work. I do not know yet of the long-term effects of this new way of living and I imagine it will take more time to see quantifiable results, but this is the route I am taking.
Please know that I am not suggesting in any way that a 100% vegan diet can’t work for some people. I am not the best example considering my health issues and I don’t have the answers as to what may have been the reason why I could not sustain a purely plant-based diet.
I suspect that I might be someone whose chemistry requires higher quality protein or that my digestive system wasn’t doing a good enough job in extracting what I needed. And, obviously, my health history has had an impact on how I feel and how my body functions.
[Editor’s note: I have a comprehensive post on the dangers of a vegan diet that goes into further details about the problems that can occur when you eliminate all animal products from your diet].
One of the costs of this change from a vegan lifestyle is the impact on animals. I did everything I could to educate myself about the issues these past several years and my concern for animals was what brought me to veganism in the first place. I believe I was an ethical vegan in the sense that I tried everything I could to not start eating animals again.
I am making every effort to choose ethically-sourced animal products, although that does not erase completely the guilt of my choices in the sense that I am still contributing to animal suffering. However, I am committed to continuing to educate myself about the issues and being open to the possibility of further change in the future.
You may also want to check out my article on how to re-introduce meat after a vegan diet.
My Body, My Choice
If you are reading this and feel a sense of support that I am doing what I need to do, then I appreciate that understanding. I do not expect that everyone will feel that way. I clearly remember reading in the past about people doing what I am doing and feeling judgment for their decisions. At the time, I could not understand what could possibly lead others to “go back” from being vegan.
Ultimately, I feel that this is a very personal choice and I cannot say whether you should or shouldn’t be vegan. If you can eat this way and feel good, then I believe there are proven health benefits as well as being a more compassionate and sustainable way of living. I still feel committed to doing what I can to help animals and to take care of our environment.
I know that what I have written may result in a change in my relationship with many of you. The difference in our values may be a “deal-breaker” and I think it is only natural that some of us grow apart, although I do not necessarily wish for that to happen.
As always, I am open to your questions and concerns, but please know I will not tolerate hurtful comments. For my readers and friends who still connect with where I am coming from, I thank you sincerely and I couldn’t be more excited about continuing on this journey with you.
*I want to clarify that I do not believe a vegan diet caused my cancer, nor do I believe I will ever know the exact cause.
**I feel obligated to paste my disclaimer here that I am not a licensed health professional so I am not offering medical advice nor am I able to respond to specific questions about your situation. Please consult your health professional before making any changes to your diet.
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About the Author: Carrie Forrest has a master’s degree in public health with a specialty in nutrition. She is a top wellness and food blogger with over 5 million annual visitors to her site. Carrie has an incredible story of recovery from chronic illness and is passionate about helping other women transform their health. Send Carrie a message through her contact form.
Hi Carrie!
This is my first time commenting in your blog. It’s very judgmental, critical, and hypocritical to judge you after the hell you went though. Those “vegans” who feel the need to be a god and pass on judgement and share their opinions, belittled your very personal choices are not any better than a hunter. Compassion and kindness do not extend to animals, bugs, nature, fairies etc but to ourselves first, to each other. Shame on you vegan guts that show no tolerance for changes in a persons struggles and unique journey.
Carrie has a right to change back and forth if she wants. She’s free to eat whatever she wants! She doesn’t owe anyone apologies or explanations. She does only on order to respect the readers. These type of extreme Nazi Vegans sound to me very anxious, unbalanced, control freaks, judgmental, and sounds more like a cult!
Eat whatever you want Carrie. Comforting pot roast with veggies are delish with brownie a la mode with sugar!
It’s very possible her biochemistry and blood type requires more protein than other folks. Chill Nazi Vegans. Jesus the Christ are fish, lamb etc he was no vegan!!!
This woman needs to live not die bc of food. I support you in all you decide Carrie wether you are vegan, meat eater, etc. You have the right to experiment and change lifestyles. You are a grown adult. You own you.
Trying to manipulate and emotionally blackmail Carrie to inflict guilt and pain is despicable and cruel by using the poor little animals speech. You have not walk in her shoes so shut the heck up! Let’s have common sense here, Carrie is way more important than a darn salmon! Hypocrites!
Thank you for your wise and refreshing words. Of course, after what I’ve been through with dealing with judgment, I agree with everything that you said. I’d be lying if I said I’ve never judged anyone in the past, I think it’s an innate human defense mechanism, but now I realize how unfair it is to shame someone else for his or her personal decisions. There is just no way of knowing what someone else is going through. Thank you for sharing your support of me, it is VERY much appreciated.
Carrie,
Wow. Another great post.
Your heart seems so tender and you are just doing what is best for you and your body.
I believe that is true, Mikki. Thank you for the kind words.
Hi Carrie,
I just wanted to say a heartfelt thank you for writing this post.
I’m not going to lie, I was shocked to find it when I was on Pinterest today (haha) because I used to follow your blog quite religiously. Like you, I was a long-time vegan and follower of Eat to Live, and felt great. Until I didn’t.
Reading this post, I feel like I could have been reading my own story. In February of this year, after about a year of very disordered eating, out of control cravings, insomnia, fatigue and depression, I went to see a naturopath. I felt like I was eating the perfect diet – following Eat to Live to the letter, eating a varied and low-fat diet. To my surprise, shock and dismay, she told me I was severely lacking in fats and asked me to consider eating animal products again, starting with fish. I really struggled with that decision, as the vegan label had become a huge part of my identity – online and in the real world. To shift away from that was almost paralyzing, I had a lot of fear and anxiety about it on many different levels.
Fast forward to now, about 6 months later, and I feel like a different person. I am sleeping soundly, waking up energized, am regaining muscle tone and have found that I have so much more time to think and do stuff now that I am no longer obsessing about food, and what is “good” or “bad” for me. I feel like my old self again and am so happy for it. No label is worth my personal health and well-being, and no one knows what I need better than I do.
It takes so much courage for any vegan to shift their eating patterns, let alone to do it so publicly on an open forum. I really admire you for that. All the best to you,
Karen
Hi Karen, thank you so much for your message and for sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear you encountered so many health issues. I can certainly identify and appreciate how awful it is to have gone through what you described. I also eventually saw a naturopath, as well as getting input from a team of doctors, and input from Dr. Fuhrman himself, and determined that adding at the minimum some seafood would be beneficial for me. I’ve gone beyond that as I repair some of my deficiencies and try to heal, but it’s scary to me that others have experienced these problems. As you know, depression can mean life or death, and people who haven’t had it don’t appreciate how severe it can be. Depression runs in my family and was part of what ended my father’s life before his time, so I am very conscious of how important it is to take mental health seriously, as well as physical health. Sending you my very best and thank you again for connecting. Xo.
Carrie,
I read your original post back when it came out, I think, but just read through all the comments today – and I was stunned by the amount of vitriol and negativity from people who profess to be compassionate. I was also so very impressed at your compassion and kindness to absolutely everyone.
And, I learned some things. I naively thought that a vegan was someone who didn’t eat animal products – now I’ve learned it’s a whole lifestyle . So I won’t call myself vegan anymore. Labels are convenient, but also – apparently – confusing.
And, I know that in my own life, the drive for perfection is often counter-productive. It’s important to have goals and values, and to be able to make commitments. But many of us who are human find that we don’t always live up to our own ideals (let alone other peoples’ ideals!). Kudos to you for dealing with both the labels and the perfectionism. Pursuing health can be a hard journey. I am grateful that you are part of this journey, and that our paths occasionally overlap.
And I have the utmost respect for the honesty, respect and compassion you exhibit through all of these posts, responding to and commenting on your decision.
Take care,
Suz
Suz, you’re thoughtful comment means so much to me. I also saw your note from the forums and haven’t gotten a chance to respond yet. Thank you.
Also, I appreciate your words of support on my responses to the negative comments. I would be lying if I said it was easy, but I’ve learned a lot from this experience and am proud of myself for managing my emotions and not lashing out. I believe we all are justified in feeling angry at things we can’t control, but we also have a responsibility to direct those emotions into constructive behaviors.
Again, thank you for your continued support, it means so much to me. 🙂
Hi Carrie,
I just wanted to say that I completely respect you for listening to your body, doing what is right for you at this time, and being so honest about the changes you’ve been making. I also read through some of the comments, and think you are handling the negative comments like a champ. Way more gracefully than I probably would!
While I feel better than ever on a vegan diet and know that most people could do to add some more plant-foods to their diet, I certainly don’t believe that it is THE diet for everyone. Each person’s body is different and it is impossible for any one diet to work just right for everyone. I think people need to remember that no diet should ever be about perfection, and that the definition of vegan is about striving to live without hurting animals to the best of one’s ability, and it sounds like you are doing just that, considering your special circumstances.
From what you’ve shared it really sounds like you were in quite a state of depletion, so its understandable that adding in some animal foods would make you feel better. And I’m really glad you are feeling better! Your health is definitely the most important thing, and I really appreciate that have really done your research and put a lot of thought into your decision. I know it couldn’t have been an easy one.
I truly wish you the best in wherever your journey leads. The new blog looks fantastic and I’ll still be following. 🙂
Thank you, Sasha, I can’t tell you how appreciative I am of the kind and understanding words. I admire you for making your comments public and I think they strengthen the idea that veganism is based on compassion and not perfection or judgment. Thank you.
I’m supportive of your choice. I believe you didn’t make this difficult decision without a lot of thought and understanding. You’re not one of those people who didn’t eat a balanced diet as a vegan and then went back to eating junk food. I think still being aware of your sources and not just saying anything goes now is exactly the way I would’ve done it. I can’t imagine eating meat again, but my health is good so I don’t need to at this stage. I understand that your recipes are going to reflect what you eat now, but I think it will be nice if you give vegan substitutions for your existing vegan readers.
Thanks for the supportive note, Natasha, and for recognizing that I did not make this change without serious consideration. I also love your idea about offering substitutions in future recipes for my vegan friends. Xoxo.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I have been shifting my diet/lifestyle over the past four years to a plant based diet and have often been discouraged by the often shunning attitudes I have encountered by those who would have me be like them…often %100 of something (vegan, vegetarian, etc). Although I am not perfect in eating in a way that reflects the knowledge I have gained through studying health and diet, I am so much better than I was and I will continue to improve. Eating meat or processed food several times a week may not what I ultimately strive for but it is a huge improvement on where I was years ago when I didn’t know how to make one dish that was plant based. Thank you for being honest and helping others realize that although an “all or nothing” lifestyle is possible and may be beneficial in some circumstances, it isn’t required to move forward toward health.
Awww, thank YOU, Elizabrth, for your wise comment about the “all or nothing” approach. I’ve been moving away from the perfectionist attitude and I am so much happier as a result!
Good on you Carrie!
You are very brave not only in coming to terms with your body’s needs but in coming out to the public and stating what you are doing. I’ve loved your vegan site, coming to it often during times when I would “go vegan” for lent. I found the site inspiring and most of the recipes delicious.
I lived for a time in a Buddhist monastery/farm. Needless to say the meals were all vegetarian but after a while I noticed that I was feeling run down from all the physical work I was doing. After incorporating some animal protein in my diet I felt much better, ethical concerns aside.
Thanks for the note, Jerry, and supportive words. I feel authentic having been honest about where my journey has gone, but it’s been very hard for me to lose friends over this issue. The bright side is that I’m feeling much, much stronger and healthier and I have developed other connections for which I am very grateful.
HUGS and lots of PBJ Love!!
Carrie on……. 😉
Thanks, Laura!!! Xo.
Wow…how brave are you?? You have always been an inspiration for me. You continue to learn and study to make choices for your health and well being. More power to you! Good luck and am looking forward to following your new blog!
Thanks, Lisa! I’m either brave or naive, at this point I’m not sure. 🙂 But, seriously, I really do appreciate your supportive words…they are much appreciated!!!